I went to BAM (that's Books-a-Million to you non-hip hippies) this evening, where I spent a mostly enjoyable time sucking up words written by people other than myself. Lately I've really been into comedy, as I've needed things in my life to make me laugh and be happy.
So I'd just finished this book by Ellen DeGeneres and was happily perusing the selection of cat books when I happened to notice this guy noticing me, but I was pretending not to notice, but he noticed me noticing him noticing me, and came over to talk. Oh, joy. Yes, this is what I want. Some mid-fifties dude trying to pick me up.
This guy was a weirdo. I don't need anyone to tell me this, and I surely didn't need to have a conversation with him to know it. I could tell from his thirty-years-out-of-fashion leather jacket and jeans that were a wee too tight for his figure, his shabby haircut and cigarrette aroma that this was not a guy I wanted to associate with.
After taking a brief glimpse at what I was looking at, he asked me, "You like cats?" He had one of those creepy voices that can only be made from decades of chain smoking.
Gee, no. "Yup."
"Me too."
"Okay."
"Do you live alone?"
Woah. See, I told you this guy was a weirdo. And now we also know he's a rapist and/or a serial killer, intent upon preying on innocent young women like myself.
I was feeling a bit giddy, though, from having just finished the DeGeneres book, and so I spewed out, all in one long, rushed breath, something to the effect of, "Yeah, I live with my mom and daddy, and my husband, 'cause they let me get married a couple of years ago when I was fourteen, and wasn't that cool of them, and I have three really big older brothers, Sam, Rodge, and Mike--man, they sure do love to go to the gym, and they all played football in school, well, Mike does at the college level now. What about you? Wife and kids? Grandkids?"
He took a minute to collect himself, apparently I was too much for him, and he said, "No, no wife or kids," and with that he walked in another direction. Unfortunately, he was still watching me a little while later, so I left the store and came home. Figures I'd have my "me night" ruined.
-Ave
7 comments:
Oh, yeah, I also mentioned somewhere in all that two cats named "Wacko" and "Peaches."
;)
Avril
And people wonder why I carry a gun....
Good thing about being a guy is that we don't often attract weirdos. Sorry it ruined your night.
Ack!!!! What a creepy! It's great that you scared him though :) I'm sorry that in spite of making him freak, he continued to mess up your night :( Good luck finding a new book. :)
~*Brenna*~
first off congrats on verbally slapping that creep in the face. it may make him think twice about trying to prey on young women/girls in the future.
these kinda guys i cannot stand. stick to your own basic age bracket, please. that's my general message to old creepy men chasing youg girls around.
thank god, you chased him away....your my new hero today!!!:) seriously.
j.h.
Oh, great, now I've got that song, "Wind Beneath my Wings" stuck in my head.
"Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeroooooooooo . . ."
lol
Avril
lol, no, no....i was lightly referring to cameron from ferris buellers day off when he said......."ferris bueller, your my hero!"
either way though.:)
j.h.
Well, does he sing it? It's awfully hard to have a line from a movie stuck in my head unless it's to a catchy tune.
Give me something to work with, here.
Avril
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