The Short but Cute Epidural Story

Before I had Zack, my sister was telling me about the horrors of childbirth.  She spent a good amount of time describing the epidural that was administered.  To hear Heather tell it, it was worse than labor.  She said she had to keep from screaming and "Frankie" (that's Frank to everyone else) had to hold her still while they inserted the needle.

Anyhow, the point is, she had gotten me so worked up about the epidural that I was scared to death of getting it.  I had decided before I went in that I would only get it if I felt I really needed it (I got it).  When the nurse got on the phone with the doctor, she said, "She's having contractions about every two minutes, and every other one is moderate."  At this point I looked over at my husband and raised my eyebrows.  "Holy Hell," I was thinking, "The ones I'm having now are only moderate?"

FACT:  You're in serious pain, and a male anesthesiologist (who will never understand the pain of child labor) tells you to hold absolutely still while he gives the epidural.  Not only this, but you also have to bend over on your aching abdomen and keep your head down.  This anesthesiologist tells you the process will take about ten minutes.

Now, I don't have a problem with needles at all.  Never have, even as a child.  But then, I've always had the opportunity to watch the needle as they put it in my skin.  I know it sounds weird, but that makes all the difference.  When they prick your finger to check for diabetes, I hate that, but when I get injections or have my blood drawn from my arm or wrist, I don't have trouble.  The fact that I couldn't see the needle added to my sister's horror stories about her epidural experience put me in a bad state of mind.  I felt like crying, and I kept telling Clint, "I can't do this, I'm not ready for this."  I was so scared that it's a wonder I didn't shake and cause the anesthesiologist to miss his mark altogether.

Poor Clint.  I happened to look up just as Clint was getting a good look at the needle, which is apparently very long and kind of thick (I never saw it).  Clint had this awful look on his face, like he was scared for me.  This further frightened me, so I just looked back down, like a good girl.

I was pretty worked up when they administered the needle.  Okay, it felt just like a regular needle prick.  Honestly.  I was so damn relieved I felt like laughing.  I literally just said, "Oh," when they put the needle, and then the catheter, in.  They said I'd get a "burning" sensation, but it really just felt warm from my lower back on down to my feet.  After a while I couldn't feel anything at all anyway.  I couldn't even move my legs.

But Clint--oh my goodness, when they put the needle in, he was the one who felt faint.  Actually, he literally felt sick.  The nurse told him to sit down and put his head between his legs.  Pretty funny actually.  He denies it now.  I guess it would hurt his macho persona if he admitted seeing that needle go in made him faint.  Remember, this is a man who can watch all the goriest movies and actually like it.

All in all, the hardest part of the epidural was sitting still through the contractions.  There was nothing I wanted to do more than lay flat on my back when they came.  The good news is, he wouldn't put the needle in while I was in the middle of a contraction.  Thank heavens for that.

And, the nurse was right.  They have a contraction monitor that works just like a heart monitor, with the little line that goes up or down depending.  Whenever you'd have a contraction, the little line would draw up, then back down as the contraction went away.  I had been looking at the monitor a little bit, and the line was being drawn about halfway up at its peak before going back down.  Almost immediately after the epidural kicked in, that line rocketed all the way to the top of the bar for every contraction.  I was grateful to have those meds pumping into me.

Okay, the short, but kinda cute, epidural story.

-Ave