Okay, so Zack's grandfather (that's my father-in-law) asked Clint if he could take Zack yesterday and bring him back today. And that's fine . . . I guess. Only Clint didn't bother to ask me if it was okay before he told his dad yes. He told me later that day that, oh, yeah, by the way, his dad wants to take Zack on Monday and bring him back Tuesday.
Anyone who's been reading this journal from the start probably knows that I'm not keen on my father-in-law. At one time I really, intensely disliked him, but at this point I simply don't like him. Not that I dislike him, but some of the things he told my best friend about me were repeated, and those things don't just go away, even with time, without closure. We've never had that closure. Not to mention he has his latest girlfriend living with him.
Okay, she's sweet, she really is. But she's a) 24 years old, b) obnoxious to Zack in the way she handles him, and c) she considers herself Zack's grandmother, even though she's only been Randy's girlfriend for about four months. Clint and I barely know her, and we most certainly don't consider her Zachary's grandmother.
Anyway, I think Randy (that's Clint's dad if you haven't caught on yet) is capable of taking care of an infant, even though he was at sea for most of his sons' infancies. The point is, I'm still a new mom, and it could have been Jesus Christ (or your deity of choice, whatever) I was allowing him to stay the night with and I still wouldn't have been happy with it. I'm at the point where I have to keep him in the same room with me still, and Clint just says "sure, we need a break."
I'm not the kind of person to say that no, I know you think you were going to take him, but even though you're family, he's not going with you. So, being the big pushover that I can be sometimes, I didn't say anything. I'm mostly sure that Randy's not just pretending to love his grandson (what a shocker) and he really wants to spend time with him, but for the mean time I'd really rather he did it where either I or Clint can stay with him, too.
For instance, he could come over and "hang out" like he did when Zachary was only a couple weeks old. Or Clint took Zack over there for several hours one day, and I was fine with that, because Clint was there too. Not to mention I slept most of the time they were away. And yes, sometimes I do feel like I need a break, but being unable to sleep for most of the night because my son isn't with me is not the way to do that.
I'm very unhappy at the way Clint said yes without at least asking me first. After all, Zack had a pediatric appointment today that Clint had forgotten about.
Naturally.
When I mentioned this to Clint, he called his dad back to inform him, but then Randy says that that's fine, he will have him back in time to make the appointment.
Great.
The appointment's at nine, I say.
Desperation will make you lie like that.
He said sure, he'll have him back by 8:30 this morning.
Damn.
So, unable to tell him no, considering that after all, he is family, I let him go.
I almost cried about five minutes after he left. I woke up about six times last night, which is more than I normally wake up when Zachary's here. So tell me, did I get a break?
Clint tried to put some moves on me last night too, assuming that we finally had some privacy, but I informed him that there would be none of that until I got my son back.
And that was that.
So Randy brings him back at 8:28 this morning (yes, damnit, I was watching the clock), at which point he'd been gone for thirteen hours. Zack smells like smoke (though they assure me they only smoked outside on the porch while he was there), but he seems pretty okay. Believe me, I looked. Then they say, "If you want another break, just give us a call, we're both off work this weekend." And I say, "Okay."
Which actually equates to: um, no. My nerves have had enough for one week.
We'll see what happens, but I think I'll make a decision without asking Clint and see how he feels about that. Childish, I know, but maybe this time he'll learn the lesson. This isn't the first time he's made plans of us, or me, or whatever, without consulting me first. And despite all the new-agey, fluffy bunny psychology books and what they tell you to do in this situation, expressing my feelings doesn't usually work with Clint. Action does. So I think I'm going to try giving him a little hands-on experience.
-Ave
12 comments:
While I was reading this the only thing I could think was "Too soon, too soon." It seems you had the same thing on your mind. Not to bash you husband, but does he think much? Sorry. That was mean. I guess I'm just a considerate sap, because I wouldn't have dared not talking to you first. If, in the future, I do something like that I want you to come slap me. I mean it, too.
Oh, sure your plan to teach him a lesson is childish. But it will make you feel better.
speaking about your husband....it's hard for a son to say no to his father....i know. i would have caved in also had it been me and my dad. so in that regard i think you should give your husband a pass on that one.
although, i'm sure it's too early for you to be seperated for any long period of time from your son other than maybe your mom or sister taking care of him while your not there, something like that. so i understand completley that seperation/panic anxiety you went through...perfectly normal.
of course...he is your child's genetic grandfather, at least i'm assuming...and assuming i assumed right...the odds of him letting anything happen to his grandchild is rare i would think? as if he wasn't proud and loved the boy, he wouldn't want to spend that kind of time with him....i wouldn't think? not to mention your a brand new mom and all brand new moms are very worried about their first getting hurt, etc. by child number three you'll feel differently, i'll bet.:)
lol, i love that part where you said you checked your son over...that is classic and somehow i can just picture it....somehow i wouldn't expect anything less from you.:)
j.h.
Im curious whos idea it was in the first place that you needed a break.
Did Clint mention that to his dad or something?
Not that you don't , I am sure you do - but thats not my point.
I think , his dad should be there if you ask him to be there.
I know that guys (husbands , boyfriends , whatever) CAN BE (Not that all of them are) inconsiderate and think that you will just go along with whatever they have planned for you.
I also know when you say that your words may not go as far as your actions.
You MUST say how you feel and make sure Clint understands.
Its not a matter of liking or disliking anyone - you werent ready for any of that.
"Oh , by the way - Randy is gonna take Zack for the night. Just thought I'd let you know , after I said sure."
I think you should be standing up to any parents that think they may be helping if you do not feel comfortable with the situation.
But then again I don't know what Clint was thinking when he told his dad it was okay.
I'll let you know could have been a better answer.
I hope next time Clint decides to let you have a say in whether or not one of your relatives take Zack for any period of time.
Of course your father-in-law would not let anything happen to Zack , but I understand that is not the point - on top of his girlfriend and your disreguard for him personally.
Besides for that fiasco , hope all is going well!
:-)
J, I have to entirely disagree with most of your comments. Clint's dad is his dad, but I'm his wife, and more than that, I'm his son's mother. It should have been taken into consideration about how I felt about Zack going away, not just determining I need a break.
In all honesty, sometimes I do feel like I need a break, but that definitely wasn't the way to go about it, and who says I needed a break that day? I think it's normal for moms to feel like that when they're around their kids all the time. It doesn't mean we want one, especially when their son is only two months old. Today Zack cried so much I felt like shaking him . . . that doesn't mean I would have done it.
I already said that I knew Randy wouldn't have intentionally caused any harm to him, or intentionally allowed it. It was just too soon for me. Added to my personal reservations about Randy, I simply wasn't happy. I probably wouldn't have sent Zack to have a slumber party with my own family. Babysitting for an hour or two (in my home) is one thing. It's entirely another to send your child off overnight.
And geeze, I'm still occupied with child number one, and you want to talk about child number three already? Ack! lol
All4Eyez's comment reply next . . .
Thanks all for the support. You know the worst thing about the whole situation is that if I had decided to back out at the last minute, it would have made the situation between Randy and myself worse. Furthermore, it would have made me seem like a bitch. And I'm not.
Most of the time.
Okay, responses to individual comments: Robbie (:D), in answer to your question, yes and no. He thinks when it benefits him, but he has some really lame excuses when he doesn't think. Actually, I should say that his lame excuse is usually just *that.* He says, "Well I didn't think . . . " or "I thought you'd . . . " or "Last I knew . . . " or something else equally asinine that actually insults my intelligence because he expects me to believe him. He's been playing dumb for so long I think it comes naturally to him rather than to just admit when he's done something wrong.
LOL, one of my favorite pastimes is slapping people who do stupid things. I will hold you to that.
My comment was too big, so it's been broken down a bit . . . to be continued.
All4Eyez, In all honesty, I don't know whose dumb idea it was that I needed a break. If it was Clint's idea, I'm sure it actually meant, "I need a break, so I'm saying you need one so it looks like I'm doing it unselfishly, for your good."
But, I'm really not sure. It was Clint's introduction to breaking the news to me "Are you ready for a break? Dad says he'll take . . . " yadda yadda. And it was Randy's introduction to his request "If ya'll need another break, we'll be happy to take him this weekend . . . " yadda yadda.
"I think , his dad should be there if you ask him to be there." I am going to use this line on Clint, I think . . . in the first person, though.
I agree that I should have said something, but I knew I would have come out looking like I was just being bitchy, considering mine and Randy's past relationship. Or I should say, lack of it. On the other hand, I probably shouldn't have worried about how I'd look saying no, and maybe I should have shoved it down Clint's throat by putting *him* in the awkward position of telling his dad.
I was also thinking that "I'll let you know" would have been the best answer. Or anything along those lines, so long as it wasn't so damn decisive and final.
And besides all that, read the next entry up!
Avril
I think someone should buy you a rolling pin for Christmas. Yeah, you could use one.
i'm not sure i understand your reply? nowhere did i say your husbands father gets supreme over you? i'm not sure how you came to that conclusion from my comment?
you seem pretty upset over this whole instance (which like i said in my earlier comment..i understand the seperation/anxiety deal and the done against your will thing). so my advice is to sit down and make sure the husband knows what is okay and what is not, and then that's that. then if he does something without asking... or if you have already done that prior to this event........you can let the full fury loose, lol.:) communication is vital. only you know what is acceptable and what is not...at least until you tell someone else? know what i mean? maybe your husband had no clue you were so against what happened...i'd dare to say as upset as you seem to be, he was totally unaware...as who would want the fury brought down on them on purpose, lol.:)
hey for fun and to lighten up this thread a bit.....how about a conspiracy theory on the event...maybe your husband set the whole thing up to try to get you alone and pull the moves on you as you called it earlier, lol??? the whole my dad asked and i said yes thing was the excuse in case it backfired...which it sounds like it did.:)
cheers,
j.h.
I'm sure the idea of 'putting the moves' on her never crossed his mind until well after he realized they were alone...lol. I still think someone should buy her that rolling pin....I saw one on sale last night at work.
im agreeing with Rampage on both comments ....
LOL
Hahaha, thanks Robert . . . you can buy me the rolling pin for Christmas. :P
Anyway, J, I didn't think you meant that his dad should be considered first over me, I was just saying that Clint should not have caved in to his dad, and that I wasn't simply going to let it slip.
As for the conspiracy, I guess if that's the case, he won't be trying that one anymore. !!!
Avril
i gotcha. i was just really saying had i been in the same situation...i would have very likely done what your husband did...even though it was wrong. the "give him a pass"....you know someone had to try to help your husband out, and get him off the hook.:)
j.h.
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